I can't help what I won't talk about

I need to talk. These thoughts and arguments have been bouncing off the inside of my head for several weeks now and I can't help but think that if I just put them down to where I can read them it may all make sense.

Somehow I doubt it though.

There has been a recent rash of suicides across the United States. Or perhaps I should say that there has been a rash of "publicized" suicides across the United States. In particular there was 18 year old Tyler Clementi, an up and coming violinist at Rutgers University in New Jersey; 13 year old Seth Walsh from central California; and 13 year old Asher Brown from Houston

Tyler jumped off the George Washington Bridge succumbing to the ice-cold river. Seth hung himself up from a tree in his backyard, he died nine days later in the hospital. Can you imagine his parents finding him like that, strung up by his own hand and swaying in the wind? And Asher? Well Asher took a gun and shot himself in the head. A 13 year old boy shot himself in the head.

All these boys had one thing in common, they were harrassed, abused, and mistreated for being gay.

Tyler's room-mate left a hidden camera in their dorm room and broadcast Tyler making out with another man via the internet. Seth and Asher were both harassed at school by their classmates. Telling them that they were worthless, that they were lesser, and filling their ears with all sorts of evils.

That makes me mad.

I have a great many conservative friends who think that homosexuality is immoral in someway, and I have wanted to stay quiet so as to preserve those friendships. But even as my own conservative leanings tell me that I disagree with the homosexual lifestyle, I know in my heart that what has happened to these boys is a far greater sin. And I cannot help but feel guilty in some small way for not speaking my mind on the subject till now.

I do not know what it is like to be a homosexual and suffer this sort of mistreatment. While I endured my own fair share of teasing in grade-school it could not compare. And the more I think about it, the more disgusted I become. To drive a person to that point is wrong. To attack a human being, your brother or sister, your kin, your FAMILY, is wrong.

 I find people quoting the book of Ephesians from the bible to me rather frequently when the subject comes up. The talk about how explicit it is in regards to homosexuality; as if that somehow justifies the wrongdoings of others.

I wonder how well those people remember the story of the good samaritan. In it Jesus confirms to us to "love thy neighbor as thyself", and when asked "Who is my neighbor" he relates the story of the good samaritan.

The Parable of the Good Samaritan

 ²⁵On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. "Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"  ²⁶"What is written in the Law?" he replied. "How do you read it?"
 ²⁷He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'^[a]; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'^[b]"
 ²⁸"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
 ²⁹But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"
 ³⁰In reply Jesus said: "A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he fell into the hands of robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. ³¹A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. ³²So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. ³³But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. ³⁴He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. ³⁵The next day he took out two silver coins^[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. 'Look after him,' he said, 'and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.'
 ³⁶"Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?"
 ³⁷The expert in the law replied, "The one who had mercy on him."
      Jesus told him, "Go and do likewise." ----------Luke 10: 25-37

It was not the holy man, nor the fellow practioner of religion, but the man who was deemed by the Jewish people to be a sinner who was this man's neighbor. I can understand a desire to adhere to religion, but whose words are greater in your eyes? Those of Paul's? Or Jesus? I am not anyone of importance, but I watch and I listen. I hear the words that are said, I see the comments left scattered across the internet. I am saddened by this lack of regard for one another.

I dislike quoting the Bible. And I wish hadn't had to bring it into this; spirituality is something that is inherently private. It is not something that should become embroiled in the happenings of every-day life so openly. But I feel like these points must be raised. And I cannot help but wonder who I would be if I did not speak up.

Call me a fool if you must, but this may be wisdom. That life isn't given by chance, so who are we to criticize how others use it? Are we so holy? So superior?

I certainly don't feel that way.

Goodnight and good day.

-M. Powers.

P.S.

Ellen hits the nail pretty close on the head. Maybe I should actually start watching day time television?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Br7nbQSIyhg

A New Hope

I have a friend. I am sure many of you can relate.

This friend has a blog, she is self-confident, a self-starter, and successful in most people's definition of the word. I envy her a fair amount, not as much as I like and respect her, but a fair amount nontheless. So in an attempt to jump-start my life into overdrive I have decided to look past the social conventions of a "think twice before you speak" lifestyle and voice my opinion. Too often I have thought twice and committed the far greater sin of not being true to myself.

Truth is a funny thing that way, it can make you and it can break you. So many people want us to be truthful with them. My sister (along with her role-model Dr. House) would say this is false, that people want us to lie to them and just say that this lie is the truth. I want to expect the best in people but I can't help myself occasionally agreeing with them in silence.

I believe we live in a lie, that we have so much invested in maintaining that lie that when the truth begins to tear down the walls of the world we have made we do everything we can to fix it. To get things "back to the way they were." You know what I am talking about, you have said those words along with every other soul on the planet. All of us have wanted things to go back to the way they were, back before they got complicated, back when we were happy, back before everything went wrong.

We get stuck, we feel like we are fumbling around in the dark looking for a replacement lightbulb. We can flip the switch and illuminate our world after a great deal of effort in replacing the bulb, but eventually that bulb will burn out again and we will be back where we started. Trying to regain that single glimpse of the room that surrounds us.

We are slaves. Slaves to our minds, our thoughts, our preconceptions of what life should be. And few people are more manacled than I. I am not saying I have had some epiphany and am choosing to enlighten you, I am saying the weight of my chains is so heavy that I cannot help but notice them.

I look at people I know and I see the lies in their lives. I try and say something, sometimes they hear me, othertimes I might as well be talking to a brick wall, usually I just do more harm than good. I can see how we are tied to our ideas, our notions about what we need to survive, what life is suppossed to be about. But in the end we do know the truth deep in our hearts. We realize that eventually we will run out of replacement bulbs altogether and be forced to move on. To get on with our lives.

Because the truth is, we can never go back.

 -M. Powers